Feeling lost....
Just finishing quarreling with my mum and bro..Why always is my fault...why everytime have to drag people who are not related in...The child is not mine..i'm just helping out,and i have make myself very clear that when you want me to help u ask me..don't just think that i'm free...Did i change i did not know...If i really change is it the day that you said your own daughter seducting guys outside?or is you said i was indecent thing outside?Are you trying to say your daughter is a prostitute?Since young when did i ever create any trouble outside...why suddenly withdraw all your trust on me??What did i do....All of you is starting making me to hate you...Always want me to sacrific this and that..if the child is mine,would you all help me?bother about me?i have sacrific my O level because of you all!!!!No matter what i do,i'm always wrong..if you think is not big then what for you ask me to study...when i was studying my O level...u scolded me...u say study very big ar...no need do house work...i did do...i after school still have to rush home and look after baby,you think that's easy??after that i have to do house work before i can study..did you notice what time then i can study???After 7!!!How tired i am do you know that..While other people were enjoying outside,i'm looking after baby which is not mine!!!You all are my family so i don't mind...i carry on helping even though is very near to my "O"..When i got my FUCKING result what you all say.....you la,didn't study get this kind of grade...Did you ever look at my result before the baby was born???i'm always in the top 10!!My grade drop straight down...Who cares?who appreciate my effort???Now i get so sick of it..i want to get free of all this...i started to let go...you said i change...you change too...you said all that hurtful words that you never said to me before...say i'm flirting around out...i just go out with my friends,you said i want to flirt...My friend are girls!!!you don't seek for the truth before you said anything...You never bother to ask..Everything is you said then is correct...my work load also very heavy..not only you...why i don't want to tell you my schedule..my free days you all will want to make me look after baby...i don't want!!!you all make me so scare to stay at home and starting to hate this place....we just cannot communicate right now...To you all,i'm always wrong...have problem will come find me..when nothing,start picking on me...i'm really very tired of this kind of life....All the quarrels..last time,all of us each other freedom..we know our limits...Now you all keep taking away my freedom...i always have to put a shield...really very very tired...i want to get out of this house but i know you won't let me...you said i'm a adult now then treat me like one...going out til 10 plus at night you start scolding me....i went out at 6pm...last time i went out til midnight you won't scold...i know my limit...i never cross the line...now you keep pushing the line more and more toward me...making me suffocated...when my school deduct the school fee,you come and scold me..you said you want to deduct by giro and now become my fault...you want me to dig money for you no matter what..At that point of time,my heart is breaking..how come you have become like that???you never said this type of thing to me before...everyone come and scold me..making you so upset...then what about me?i'm not a human?when i'm sick you didn't even bother...never mind..i know i'm a big girl now everything cannot always go to you..i try settle myself..then you said i everything didn't tell you...i tell you,you don't bother...
I'm all alone and i'm fine with it...i'm always alone isn't it...you make me so independent when i'm young...What you all comment doesn't matter to me anymore...what you all do i give you support then when come to my thing..what did you give...tolerance have reach the limit....
That's it....
Wednesday, November 08, 2006